Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Appointments, Abandonment, and Other "A" Words

Appointments, Abandonment, and Other "A" Words

She was a young married woman
who had four babies and it
was the 1920's in Alabama.

Then there was to be a fifth
when there was no way to take care of
a fifth.

And so
the secret arrangements were made
and the appointment kept

And today in 2013
everyone who was there is now dead
but she died then because of what they did to her

So there were four little babies who
were to grow up without a mama,
and soon without a dad

One was my grandmother
who was seven when her mama died
and who felt abandoned

When she died almost eighty years later
with most of her memories gone
she was still an abandoned little girl

But before then she had my dad and there was
always something there between them that
is also between him and me...an absence

There are lots of angry arguments
that sound like
I'm right, you're wrong

And I have no answers
but there are a few things
that I know.

I know that medical decisions happen
everyday that mean one person lives
and one person dies.

There are even more political decisions
that mean one person lives
and another person dies.

And, it would have been nice for there to have been
some sort of happier ending to her

But I don't ever think
I wish I could have known the person that may have been...

I do wish that I could have known my great-grandma.

written 4/13/13

I am still having some computer/internet hiccups. When everything sorts itself out, I will return comments and return visits. Thanks for being so understanding.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Politically Correct

Politically Correct

Maybe it's not about them trying to control you
or shame you
or weaken you

Maybe it's about using the right word for the right thought
being a more effective communicator
being a stronger thinker

Maybe it's about not subjecting me to your verbal diarrhea
that you spew rather
 than actually expressing a clear thought.

Maybe you will see a person,
not an object
or a disease
or an imagined imperfection.

So if you mean it, say it
and be prepared for the consequences.

written 3/12/13

Sunday, May 5, 2013


hope is crueler than

written 5/5/13

I have been rethinking my sweetie's whole future, and I'm a little bummed...but that's why we write sometimes, right?

Saturday, May 4, 2013


lost in thought
driving down the dark dirt road
thinking about the small cantina
     and the smell of his skin
     the feel of the sweat that clung to him

written 5/4/13 (may the fourth be with you)

inspired by the fact that I really have to pee, but my little bit is sprawled across my lap watching scooby-doo.

Friday, May 3, 2013

One day

One day
I'll stop waking up with the thought
That this morning
Will be the morning
My girl will wake up with
No more challenges.
She'll just be a boring, vanilla
Little kid.

One day
I'll let go of that hope
That just holds me back

One day
I'll just realize that she's a miracle
And that will be enough

One day...

written 5/3/13

We've been applying for services and updating my sweetie's IEP today. So, yeah, this one's sorta based on a true story.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Guilty Confession of an Accidental Stay at Home Mom

Guilty Confession of an Accidental Stay at Home Mom

that I am not the best for them
that I am enough
that they are the ones who will suffer
that my children are the only people who want to hire me

written 5/2/13
submitted to dVerse Meeting the Bar 5/2/13

so maybe i'm starting a napowrimo1/2?

Wednesday, May 1, 2013



My small
boy hugs me as
we watch Ninja Turtles
little things make him happy and
I'm blessed.

written 5/11/13

I am having NaPoWriMo withdrawal...